First, let's talk about human goodness
We are a primate species, and we are wired to be in a group--a family and tribe of somewhere around 50 people. Of course our connectedness has exploded in the past few decades, but our brains remain mostly the same. We seek solidarity with others and their cooperation. We look to each other for protection and education. We all do these things all the time, and all always have.
Now, everybody is different, and one person can be very social while the next is an introvert, but for the most part we are all wired to look after each other because we're wired to fear death, seek patterns, and crave experiences outside ourselves. Our social lives speak to these three needs very clearly.
Wherever you lie on the spectra of social behaviors, it is very likely that relating better with others is something in your life that you could improve. We tend to neglect each other when out of sight. We tend to forget about another's problems if they don't affect us. These days it's hard to even give another human the time of day, let alone a genuine compliment or word of encouragement.
So as you explore our programs and navigate your own travels of healing and growth, keep connections to others in mind. You are meditating to improve yourself, but not just for yourself. You are trying to be a better spouse or child or parent or citizen. This work you do is for others as much as yourself. You see what I mean?
This pull you feel to become a better YOU has much to do with social wiring and the wiring of your Vital needs: seeking patterns, fearing death, and craving outside experience.
And here's an important secret: the more good you habitually do for others, the healthier and happier you'll be. Your Vitality requires altruism and your Mind and Body crave it, too. Your SELF needs it, and practicing basic human goodness will help your own healing along and give it some purpose and heft.
For us, the three main modes of Human Goodness are Gratitude, Giving, and Encouragement.
Now, everybody is different, and one person can be very social while the next is an introvert, but for the most part we are all wired to look after each other because we're wired to fear death, seek patterns, and crave experiences outside ourselves. Our social lives speak to these three needs very clearly.
Wherever you lie on the spectra of social behaviors, it is very likely that relating better with others is something in your life that you could improve. We tend to neglect each other when out of sight. We tend to forget about another's problems if they don't affect us. These days it's hard to even give another human the time of day, let alone a genuine compliment or word of encouragement.
So as you explore our programs and navigate your own travels of healing and growth, keep connections to others in mind. You are meditating to improve yourself, but not just for yourself. You are trying to be a better spouse or child or parent or citizen. This work you do is for others as much as yourself. You see what I mean?
This pull you feel to become a better YOU has much to do with social wiring and the wiring of your Vital needs: seeking patterns, fearing death, and craving outside experience.
And here's an important secret: the more good you habitually do for others, the healthier and happier you'll be. Your Vitality requires altruism and your Mind and Body crave it, too. Your SELF needs it, and practicing basic human goodness will help your own healing along and give it some purpose and heft.
For us, the three main modes of Human Goodness are Gratitude, Giving, and Encouragement.
Gratitude
A lot has been discovered and written about this. Many modern self-help systems and therapies use gratitude as the backbone for their healing efforts. Why? Because it is fundamental to the power dynamics between two or more people.
Those dynamics can be tricky for some to navigate, but they are essential to the Vital relationships we have. Expressing gratitude can re-align our interactions in ways that make us feel more in control, more of an agent of free will, and more active in the relationship. These are all good for well-being. Think about it: our own sense of agency and importance is strengthened when we show gratitude to others.
Gratitude is socially expected in many situations, too, so an absence of gratitude can make a person feel pretty lousy and feel some of the consequences of poor behavior. Practicing gratitude often and consistently will help us avoid the negatives associated with appearing ungrateful. And the reaction you'll get from showing appropriate gratitude can dump a lot of dopamine and serotonin--or whatever those feel-good chemicals in the nervous system are.
I make it sound like gratitude is all for you, and well, that's the beauty. Doing something for others can be the best thing we do for ourselves. Showing gratitude to others, to ourselves, or just generally will make you feel more in touch with the Vital parts of your SELF.
Ideas for showing gratitude:
Meditations. We have a few meditations that ask you to express gratitude either to yourself, to others, or to The Absolute. (Everything There Is, The Universe)
Gratitude Journal. These are easy to find in book or app form. Get it through a source you trust or connect with.
Give Art. Share art as a thank you gift, either your creation or something cool you found.
In Person, where appropriate and within your comfort level, be sure to make these kinds of connections.
A handwritten note can make such a big impression. Especially if it came in the mail.
Random acts of kindness are an excellent tool for showing gratitude, especially for your core group, family, or team. Be consistent with your randomness!
Those dynamics can be tricky for some to navigate, but they are essential to the Vital relationships we have. Expressing gratitude can re-align our interactions in ways that make us feel more in control, more of an agent of free will, and more active in the relationship. These are all good for well-being. Think about it: our own sense of agency and importance is strengthened when we show gratitude to others.
Gratitude is socially expected in many situations, too, so an absence of gratitude can make a person feel pretty lousy and feel some of the consequences of poor behavior. Practicing gratitude often and consistently will help us avoid the negatives associated with appearing ungrateful. And the reaction you'll get from showing appropriate gratitude can dump a lot of dopamine and serotonin--or whatever those feel-good chemicals in the nervous system are.
I make it sound like gratitude is all for you, and well, that's the beauty. Doing something for others can be the best thing we do for ourselves. Showing gratitude to others, to ourselves, or just generally will make you feel more in touch with the Vital parts of your SELF.
Ideas for showing gratitude:
Meditations. We have a few meditations that ask you to express gratitude either to yourself, to others, or to The Absolute. (Everything There Is, The Universe)
Gratitude Journal. These are easy to find in book or app form. Get it through a source you trust or connect with.
Give Art. Share art as a thank you gift, either your creation or something cool you found.
In Person, where appropriate and within your comfort level, be sure to make these kinds of connections.
A handwritten note can make such a big impression. Especially if it came in the mail.
Random acts of kindness are an excellent tool for showing gratitude, especially for your core group, family, or team. Be consistent with your randomness!
Giving
Time and/or money. That's it. Freely and consistently volunteering or making a donation to groups or causes you think do important or good work in the world can really make you feel good, really create some lasting connections, and even open up new opportunities for you. Of course we give without expectation of thanks or reward, but personal benefits are usually part of the deal. Be smart, be honest, and be humble, and you'll navigate these waters fine. Just get in the habit of giving at whatever level makes sense to you.
2 quick notes
Ideas for volunteering and donating:
Find a cause that's important to you or your family. If you have a child with autism, then give to autism research. If your brother died of pancreatic cancer, then there is a good place to put your energies. (I often gravitate to hospice agencies and food banks because they speak to my values and experiences.)
Check the web for volunteer organizations. Many cities and communities have clearing-house websites with links to organizations in need. Look for an unaddressed need or underserved organization.
Find a buddy that will volunteer or donate alongside you. Partnering up makes the initial experience easier and will help you keep doing it for longer.
Start something. If you can't find an organization or cause that speaks to you, or such a thing doesn't yet exist, then go ahead and start it yourself. It is rarelt as hard as we first think it is.
Write yourself a contract promising X dollars or Y percent of your monthly income to give and to whom you'd like to give it. Share that contract with someone who will keep you honest and on track. Make it happen.
Write weekly schedule that includes time for volunteering or doing good deeds.
2 quick notes
- You have a moral obligation to care for yourself before you can care for another, so don't give away money you need or time you don't have. Be practical
- Absolute Equanimity accepts money and time donations, but really we don't need very much of either. Your money may be better used elsewhere, but that's up to you entirely
Ideas for volunteering and donating:
Find a cause that's important to you or your family. If you have a child with autism, then give to autism research. If your brother died of pancreatic cancer, then there is a good place to put your energies. (I often gravitate to hospice agencies and food banks because they speak to my values and experiences.)
Check the web for volunteer organizations. Many cities and communities have clearing-house websites with links to organizations in need. Look for an unaddressed need or underserved organization.
Find a buddy that will volunteer or donate alongside you. Partnering up makes the initial experience easier and will help you keep doing it for longer.
Start something. If you can't find an organization or cause that speaks to you, or such a thing doesn't yet exist, then go ahead and start it yourself. It is rarelt as hard as we first think it is.
Write yourself a contract promising X dollars or Y percent of your monthly income to give and to whom you'd like to give it. Share that contract with someone who will keep you honest and on track. Make it happen.
Write weekly schedule that includes time for volunteering or doing good deeds.
Encouragement
This is the one that matters most to us because it isn't as obvious or well-promoted as the other two.
Giving someone encouragement may be the most profound small act we can perform, though, especially if it's well timed or truly needed. And it really is such a small, simple thing to do.
Think about your own life. Was or is there a person who encouraged you? Was there a time when a bit of encouragement made a difference in your situation? Well, do that for others.
I will forever remember, when I was at a real low point in my life, Labrie Gambrell simply but sincerely wishing me well and insisting things were going to brighten up. That hit me at exactly the right time and with such force as to fill up my sails some and to point me toward feeling better. Profound but simple. Did he know what was going to be the effect? That this entire website and project would be born out of a need to encourage and be encouraged? Probably not--he is just an excellent human.
Did this whole project really come out of that experience? Well, in the sense that I got out of the hole I was in and immediately felt like helping others out of the holes they find themselves in. My first idea was for an app (in the works!) to help us encourage ourselves and others more often and easily. That turned into a meditation app (meditation being the real savior of yours humbly) which turned into this website. So yes, encouragement can go a long, long way. I dare you to try it. I encourage you to encourage the shit out everybody you know.
Ideas for volunteering and donating:
Identity a struggler. find somebody in your life that is going through hard times of any or all kinds. COmmit to meeting with them, speaking with them, and texting them regularly.
Randomly mail out cards of encouragement. Cheesy, personal, whatever is your style.
You do you. Start every day with a pep talk for yourself. Be insanely positive and optimistic but practical (to an extent).
Ask for it if you need it. Why not? And make sure you repay the favor twice over.
Download the app. We promise we're working on it.
Giving someone encouragement may be the most profound small act we can perform, though, especially if it's well timed or truly needed. And it really is such a small, simple thing to do.
Think about your own life. Was or is there a person who encouraged you? Was there a time when a bit of encouragement made a difference in your situation? Well, do that for others.
I will forever remember, when I was at a real low point in my life, Labrie Gambrell simply but sincerely wishing me well and insisting things were going to brighten up. That hit me at exactly the right time and with such force as to fill up my sails some and to point me toward feeling better. Profound but simple. Did he know what was going to be the effect? That this entire website and project would be born out of a need to encourage and be encouraged? Probably not--he is just an excellent human.
Did this whole project really come out of that experience? Well, in the sense that I got out of the hole I was in and immediately felt like helping others out of the holes they find themselves in. My first idea was for an app (in the works!) to help us encourage ourselves and others more often and easily. That turned into a meditation app (meditation being the real savior of yours humbly) which turned into this website. So yes, encouragement can go a long, long way. I dare you to try it. I encourage you to encourage the shit out everybody you know.
Ideas for volunteering and donating:
Identity a struggler. find somebody in your life that is going through hard times of any or all kinds. COmmit to meeting with them, speaking with them, and texting them regularly.
Randomly mail out cards of encouragement. Cheesy, personal, whatever is your style.
You do you. Start every day with a pep talk for yourself. Be insanely positive and optimistic but practical (to an extent).
Ask for it if you need it. Why not? And make sure you repay the favor twice over.
Download the app. We promise we're working on it.
Art
Art is our best tool for connecting with our Vitality--what makes us most human. Experiencing art is how we have always gotten by: transcended the mundane, transmitted knowledge and values, made sense of suffering, etc. Our larger mission includes using art to heal, to balance, and to cultivate our Minds, Bodies, and Beings. We really think art is the best thing we have going for us. Truly.
We will soon have a whole section on Art Meditation. For now, though, consider these:
Keats Ode on a Grecian Urn
Boyhood
Chauvet Cave
Bob Ross painting
Nina Simone Lilac Wine
Stevens The Emperor of Ice Cream
Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind
Altamira Caves
The National Gallery
Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, Fourth Movement
We will soon have a whole section on Art Meditation. For now, though, consider these:
Keats Ode on a Grecian Urn
Boyhood
Chauvet Cave
Bob Ross painting
Nina Simone Lilac Wine
Stevens The Emperor of Ice Cream
Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind
Altamira Caves
The National Gallery
Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, Fourth Movement